


Loathing

by NonboonaryNapstablook



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: First Kiss, I mean they don't actually do it but there are boners, KOMAEDA DON'T MAKE THIS VULGAR, M/M, NSFW, SOUDA NEEDS TO STOP, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 05:30:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3638550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NonboonaryNapstablook/pseuds/NonboonaryNapstablook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Komaeda doesn't love himself- Hinata doesn't love Komaeda either; but in the end, he's the only one that could possibly help him. After all, Hinata is the only one on the island who could never ignore the sound of somone crying- even if it was Komaeda.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loathing

**Author's Note:**

> OH GOD DON'T LOOK AT ME THIS IS TERRIBLE AND I HATE IT  
> okay that's an overreaction I actually like this quite a bit more than most of my work but half of it is just so unnecessary I actually just really wanted practice writing NSFW-ish things.

|Self| /self/ |noun|

-A person's essential being that distinguishes them from others.

|Loath·ing| /ˈlōT͟HiNG/ |noun|

-A feeling of intense dislike or disgust; hatred.

 

       Hinata liked to think that he despised Komaeda. He hated the other with all of his being, and that was an irreversible fact. After all, saying he hated him was far easier from the truth, because in the end, not even Hinata knew what the truth was. Komaeda was nuts; absolutely, positively nuts, and while he seemed like a nice enough person when he wasn't spouting nonsense about hope or distracting them during a trial, you could never tell what the truth was when he spoke. Yet, Hinata had still managed to somewhat "bond" with him since they had arrived on the island, and Komaeda seemed to almost... Watch over him, in some distorted way. In the end, he couldn't say he hated Komaeda, but he couldn't say he loved him either. Perhaps Komaeda knew perfectly how he felt, and it was all his plan from the beginning; to add to everyone's confusion by making them both like and dislike him simultaneously.

       So when Hinata swore he heard crying as he passed by a certain someone's cottage after the most recent trial, he froze in place. It was human nature to be worried when you heard something like that, but this was Komaeda. He had tried to murder their friend, and he constantly tried to force them into the wrong decisions during trials; Hinata shouldn't care about him, even if he did seem to be upset. Yet, for whatever reason, he felt compelled to comfort the other. Hinata sighed lightly, gently opening the door to peek inside.

       Light filled the room suddenly, alerting Komaeda to the other's presence. After seemingly hiding the act of wiping his eyes, he turned to Hinata, wearing his usual grin.

       "Ah, Hinata-kun! What a pleasant surprise! I certainly didn't expect you here of all places!" Komaeda's voice was steady, and if not for the slight hint of redness around his eyes, Hinata would have been convinced that he had just been hearing things all along. "After all, why would someone like you ever want to visit the cottage of trash-"

       "Komaeda- just don't." Hinata sighed, shaking his head as Komaeda opened his mouth to speak. "It's not so weird... To feel that way about yourself... That's not the problem here."

       "Ah... Then what is the problem? I'm only speaking the truth!"

       "That's the problem!" Hinata cried. "It's one thing to have low self esteem, but it's another to accept it so happily! It's almost as if you like feeling that way, and that makes you treat it like a fact!" Komaeda was stunned silent for a few moments before he worked up the will to speak again.

       "...What else am I supposed to do?"

       "Huh?" Hinata was taken aback, a stunned, wide-eyed stare on his face.

       "I mean, when you're as useless as I am, what else can you do?" A familiar grin returned to Komaeda's face, yet this time around, it seemed almost broken. "If you just let your flaws eat away at you, you'll never be happy! Coming to terms with your uselessness may truly help you accept that you'll never be perfect! Though, of course, you'll never be as worthless as I am, so you shouldn't have to worry  about that!"

       "Komaeda, for the last time, you're not-"

       "Worthless? Useless? Disgusting? Ugly? Terrible? A waste of space? Terrifying? Crazy?" Komaeda seemed to be talking to himself at that point, voice lowering in volume but increasing in speed with each recommendation. Hinata instinctively backed away, catching a glimpse of the familiar glint in Komaeda's eye he had seen far too often during trials. This time, though... There was something different about it... Something almost sad. Before Hinata had the chance to move closer and confirm his suspicions, however, Komaeda let out a shrill, but weak, laugh. "I've heard it all, Hinata-kun. I know what people say about me- I know what everyone thinks of me." His voice sounded almost excited as he continued. "I don't mind! You're all right, after all!" Hinata was taken aback for a moment- he could've sworn that...

       "Komaeda... Did your voice just crack?"

       "Ah, so you heard that! How embarrassing..."

       "I heard you crying." Hinata expected at least some kind of negative reaction, but Komaeda simply shrugged.

       "Anyone else would have ignored it." He stated nonchalantly, standing to walk away from Hinata, hiding his face. “But that’s why you’re so special to me, Hajime-” Komaeda seemed to recognize his mistake about halfway through the word, speeding up his speech as to not give Hinata the chance to comment. “-Even though I’m so disgusting and terrible, you still hang around me and treat me so well!” Guilt sank into Hinata’s stomach as he thought about how he had truly been treating Komaeda- it was only slightly better than everyone else, so why was Komaeda so grateful?

“I really… Wouldn’t call that well, y’know.” Komaeda seemed to ignore his response, letting out a giggle.

“In fact, you treat me so well, I might cry!” Hinata sighed lightly. That was a bit extreme, but was it actually a lie? Hinata could have sworn he saw tears running down Komaeda's cheeks when his face was at a certain angle. Hinata took several hesitant steps towards Komaeda, setting his hand on his shoulder lightly.

     "Have you seriously never been treated better than this?"

     "No, of course not! I don't deserve it!" Both boys fell silent after that, Komaeda taking the time to wipe his eyes as Hinata moved closer, wrapping his arm around Komaeda's shoulders. He slowly led the other boy to the bed, sitting next to him and lowering his arm so that it wrapped around the other's waist instead. "Hinata... You should leave. With you being so kind to me, I may not be able to control myself. After all, I've messed up once already, haven't I?"

      "Huh?"

      "I've messed up once already, haven't I, Hajime?" Hinata felt a shiver travel down his spine and heat pool in his stomach at the sound of his first name being spoken by the other.

      "No, no, it's really alright. It was an accident, don't worry about it."

      "Hm. I wonder why I would have ever said that... You know, Hinata-kun... They don't want you around me. You should leave before trash like me starts to consider you a best friend."

      "Komaeda- even you have to admit that they have good reason to want everyone away from you."

      "No, Hinata-kun, not everyone. You, specifically. They have good reason for everyone else, but you? They think I have a "huge raging hard-on" for you." Hinata choked on air, taken aback.

      "What?! Did you have to be so-"

      "Souda's words, not mine."

      "Wait, they- they legitimately said that?" Despite the outrageous claim just made and the implications behind it, hinata found himself tightening his hold on Komaeda, moving to sit as close to him as possible.

      "They did, but y'know, they do have a point! It's quite distorted, but the main idea is still there, after all." Komaeda turned to Hinata, maneuvering his lanky body so that he was practically on top of Hinata, face to face with him. Hinata felt his face heat up, stunned silent, and too confused to ask him to move. "I suppose it's a bit like sex, in a way. I want to see your hope... in it's purest form, all for myself." Komaeda's voice had lowered to a soft purr, and Hinata was suddenly all too aware of the tingling sensation of Komaeda's hands upon the back of his neck. Komaeda pulled him even closer- close enough that they could kiss if they moved just so... "And, oh god..." Komaeda let out a breathy moan, one sounding far too pleasurable to be an act, and Hinata felt his pants tighten considerably, absently wondering whether Komaeda was actually getting off to this, or he was just giving a show to apparently "prove" how similar "this," whatever this was, was to sex. Perhaps, neither were true- and he was giving a show just for the sake of doing so. It almost seemed like he was purposely trying to turn Hinata against him. "I want it all- every inch of it. I want every single inch- every part of your huge-" Please don't turn this into something vulgar, Komaeda, Hinata silently willed. "Radiant amount of hope inside of me." Hinata figured that Komaeda had finished, but a moment's silence showed that wasn't so. That look was back in his eyes, had been the entire time, and Hinata felt compelled to push him off right then and there, but something stopped him before he turned that thought into action. "I don't really think I'd mind anything, really. Just the fact that we're so close now makes me so, so happy. I can feel the hope pouring out of you and I just want to be so much closer." Komaeda seemed to almost whimper, moving his head to the side to drop it over Hinata's shoulder weakly, gripping his back lightly. Hinata could just feel the heat radiating off Komaeda's face and- oh dear god, Komaeda was going to make this vulgar, wasn't he? "I could only imagine how it would feel to be naked underneath you, your hands running down-" Suddenly the Komaeda he knew had returned and practically flung himself across the room, as far as he could possibly get from Hinata, his eyes quickly returning to normal.

      "Komaeda! Are you al-" Hinata immediately stood, rushing over to Komaeda's side.

      "Hinata... You should stay away from me... I can't control my thoughts... they just- spill out of my mouth and I can't stop them. I swear, Hinata, I've never thought anything like that before in my life. I... Can't believe I said such a thing... I really am disgusting, aren't I, Hinata-kun?" His usual carefree grin had returned, and Hinata stopped to wonder how much Komaeda hadn't told him about his state of mental health. Even more so, he stopped to wonder which Komaeda was the truth, and whether this carefree persona was simply to cover his true self. "I suppose they may be right, after all. Hinata-kun, you should probably leave my cabin as soon as possible!"

     "No way, Komaeda. I'm not just going to leave you in such a frazzled state..."

     "I said they may be right about the fact that I have a "huge raging hard-on" for you, Hinata. So I really suggest you leave."

     "What? So one experience that you just happened to get carried away with decides that, now?" Komaeda groaned, moving his legs out of the upright fetal position he had practically been curled into, stretching them out slightly.

      "I don't think you're understanding me, Hinata-kun! On second thought, I think they're absolutely right and you need to go."

      "Komaeda, I'm not going to leave just because you think you might like me."

      "Oh, Hinata, I can't believe you're this thick... You really don't deserve to be talked to like this by such trash... But you need to take in what I am telling you." Komaeda groaned. "Do you seriously not understand what I'm saying? Hinata Hajime, Souda’s wording was one hundred percent right and you seriously need to leave the room right now. I mean, isn't this exactly what everyone else was worried about?" Komaeda's growl seemed to have shifted to an annoyed, forced giggle about halfway through the sentence. Hinata, on the other hand, was struck silent. Slowly, he looked down, finally noticing the enormous tent in the other's jeans.

      "Wow... That really affected you, huh?" Hinata knew he shouldn't have said anything- his voice had cracked and he really should have just left the cabin when he had the chance, but his throat was dry, his palms were sweating, his pants were so tight they felt as though they were about to pop, and Hinata swore he had never been hornier in his entire life.

      "Hinata-kun, you really should just leave! Staying here is just going to make this more awkward for the both of us." Hinata knew that Komaeda was right- he should've left right then and there, but he couldn't stop himself, and instead of following Komaeda's instructions, he did exactly the opposite. Inhaling shakily and swallowing loudly, he moved closer, shoving one knee in between Komaeda's legs and an arm directly next to his head on the wall. It generally took quite a bit for Hinata to surprise Komaeda, but the look on his face at that moment was a mix of confusion, arousal, and absolute terror.

      "Hinata-kun? What are you doing...?"

      "You did warn me that you may not be able to control yourself." Hinata ground his knee firmly against Komaeda's crotch, receiving a choked groan from the other. "I probably should have warned you that I may not be able to control myself either."

      "Hinata-kun... I can't believe you'd actually consider doing this with someone like-"

       "Komaeda, shut up." Hinata moved shakily to Komaeda's neck, biting and sucking hesitantly. He should have stopped while he was ahead- this was so stupid, he'd never done anything like this before, or if he had, it was during the time in which their memories had been erased. Hinata eventually eased out of his hesitance, and with more courage began to suck harder, occasionally placing soft kisses over the spots he had sucked upon. Komaeda shuddered, placing his hand lightly on the back of Hinata's head, occasionally twirling the brunet's hair.

      "Hinata, may I ask something of you?" He asked, his voice a quiet gentleness of which Hinata had never heard from the other before. Rather than offering a true response, Hinata simply gave a questioning hum against Komaeda's neck, enjoying the way that Komaeda shivered as he did so. "Can you help me?" Hinata stopped his actions, moving away from Komaeda's neck with a confused glance to his face.

      "With what, exactly?"

      "I don't love myself. Can you do it for me?" Hinata couldn't help the grin that stretched across his face.

      "I can, and I will eventually get you to do it too." Hinata caressed Komaeda softly, and sealed his promise with a clumsy, inexperienced, but sincere kiss.

 

 


End file.
